Learning that your spouse wants a divorce can be shocking. It’s important to take a deep breath and remove yourself from the situation before acting out of anger or trying to force them to change their mind. You can convince them to seek counseling or explore less drastic options. However, you can also focus on your behavior and make changes that will help the two of you move forward.
Preparing for a discussion that will likely involve your spouse trying to convince you that divorce is not the right decision is important. It is why it’s a good idea to work with a divorce attorney who can help you figure out how to have this discussion and respond to your spouse’s objections. It’s also important, to be honest during this discussion. Pleading with your husband or wife, blaming them for past mistakes or attempting to buy their love will likely backfire and worsen the situation. They probably thought about their decision and mentally prepared themselves for divorce, so be gentle but firm. It will give you the best chance of ending your marriage peacefully.
Keep Your Cool
Keeping your composure might assist you in making decisions that are beneficial to the relationship. Yelling, arguing or threatening will only make things worse. If you want to save your marriage, look at what has happened in the relationship and make changes. You may need to be more independent, less demanding, or change how you handle conflict and problems. If you think you can solve the problem and don’t want a divorce, be open to marital therapy or couples counseling with your spouse. It will give you a chance to talk through the issues that are causing you unhappiness. It can also lead to reconciliation. Couples who thought the end was in sight reconcile and return stronger than ever.
Take Care of Yourself
Educating yourself on divorce-related matters is one of the most important things you can do to prepare. Concentrating during this emotionally volatile time may be difficult, but educating yourself will make it easier to get through the process. Your spouse will likely respond to your decision with various objections, and you should plan on how to respond to them ahead of time. It will give you a stronger, more confident voice and prevent you from losing control during the discussion. Taking care of yourself by spending time with family and friends is also essential. While it might be tempting to confide in these people to try and convince your spouse to stay, gossiping and begging will probably backfire.
There’s no ideal time to tell your spouse you want a divorce. However, it is important to consider how the timing might impact your partner’s reaction. For instance, if the news comes on the heels of other major life events, like an illness or the death of a relative, it could have a negative effect. It’s also important to understand that your spouse probably wants a divorce for good reasons. It isn’t a time to convince them otherwise or start blaming them. You may feel tempted to ask your spouse for details about their decision, but this can be counterproductive. Digging for this information can make them feel hurt all over again, and it may not be something they want to share at that moment.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask Questions
Many people are caught off guard when their spouse asks for a divorce. The shock can devastate them. If you want the conversation to go well, it’s important to understand where your spouse is emotionally. Determine whether they’ve been thinking about it themselves or if the news has blindsided them. It will help determine when and where to break the information and how to handle their reaction. It’s also essential to prepare what you want to say. Your spouse will likely have questions or objections about your divorce decision. Be ready to answer them calmly and confidently. Avoid criticizing or blaming them for past misbehavior; that will only fuel their anger and cause them to dig in their heels.